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If I Could Go Back and Do It All Again… I Wouldn’t
by Melissa R. Mendelson 

I missed my hair.  I missed how soft and thick it was, how easy it was to put it into two little buns on my head.  And my lips.  I forgot how perfect and pink they were, my skin flawless, scarless.  The only difference were my eyes.  Did my irises always glow an amber brown?

I felt like a little girl going to school for the first time, but this was high school.  I remembered not having too many friends, but I was happy with those that I hung out with.  And I liked to be stylish, so I chose a simple gray top with ripped blue jeans, pink sneakers and gold and silver earrings.  Yes, I looked good, but my smile faded.  Was she still there?

“No, you didn’t kill yourself,” I said.

“What?”  My mother popped her head into the bedroom.

I forgot how good my mother looked.  She was so old now, letting herself go and becoming such a fragile creature.  Was she okay?

“You okay?”  My mother asked.  “You look nervous.”

She never missed a thing.  “I’m okay,” I said.  “I’m just rambling.”

“Well, don’t ramble too long.  The bus is coming, and your eggs are getting cold.”  She stepped back into the hallway but paused.  “Your father’s still here, if you want to say good morning to him, if you’re back to talking to him.”

A sob rose up into my throat.  Should I tell him?  What year was it?  High School, but when?  I was never specific about the date, but maybe, there was still time.  And yes, at this point in time, I was a real bitch to him, but I didn’t know what was coming.  None of us did.

“Dad!”

My father jumped as I gave him a big hug.  “Good morning,” he said, unsure of being surprised or annoyed.  “You’re still grounded, so don’t think this changes my mind.”  He was surprised by my kiss on his cheek.

“I don’t care.”  I tried to hold the tears back as I looked at him.

“You okay?”  My father stepped back and finished his coffee.

“Fine.”  I heard the bus screech outside.  They never did fix those damn brakes.  “Got to go.  Bye,” but I gave him one last look before running out the door.

Once on the school bus, I remembered how much I hated this ride.  The boys were busy bullying this girl nearby.  The joke would be on them later on because she would become a millionaire.  There was so much other noise, and it was absolute nonsense.  Didn’t anyone realize that the world was going to drastically change, and it wasn’t down the road.  It would be after I graduated.

I wanted to come back, I thought, and it was a one-way ride.

High School.  Sometimes, it was fun.  Sometimes, it was a prison sentence.  What would today be like?  I saw my friends and screeched with happiness, surprising them.  After I graduated, most of us went our separate ways.  I gave each of them a big hug especially Phil.  He would end his life right before graduation.  I didn’t know.  None of us did, but maybe, I could change that now.  And if I could change that, then maybe, I could even save my dad.

“What is with you today?”  Bethany asked.

I shrugged.  “Nothing.”

Bethany threw her arm around my shoulders.  “Uh huh, you’re off.  Different.  Did you get laid?”

“Jesus, Bethany,” Phil said.  “Why don’t you say that louder?”

“No, I didn’t get laid.”  I glanced at Jill.  “Why are you quiet?”

“I got into a fight with my boyfriend,” Jill said.

Oh, that’s right.  You’re pregnant or will be, and you won’t graduate with us.

“Earth to Joy?  Hello Joy,” Bethany said.  “You gone to the moon or something?”

I was about to answer her when a boy walked our way.  He was overweight, sweaty with black and red hair.  Fuck, I forgot about him, I thought.  We thought he was a creep then?  Wait until he becomes president and starts World War III.

“Creep,” Bethany chirped.

“Creep,” Phil repeated.

“Creep,” Jill snapped a little too vehemently.

“Knock it off,” I said as he pushed past us, giving me the stink eye.  “He’s dangerous.  Don’t any of you realize that?”

“Why?  What did he do?”  Phil asked.

“Yeah, did he attack you or something?”  Bethany asked.

“Joy, you okay?”  Jill asked.

No, Jill, I’m not okay, I thought.  I was told coming back here would come with a price.  Now, I know what that price is.  I have to kill him.  If I don’t, then we all die.

“I’m fine, Jill,” I said.  “Let’s go to class.”

.

Fiction © Copyright Melissa R. Mendelson
Image courtesy of Pixabay.com.

About Author Melissa R. Mendelson:

Melissa R. Mendelson is the author of the Sci-Fi Novella, Waken.  She also has a prose poetry collection called, This Will Remain With Us published by Wild Ink Publishing.  Her short story collections, Better Off Here, Stories Written Along COVID Walls, and Name’s Keeper can be found on Amazon/Amazon Kindle.

If you’d like to learn more about Melissa, you can visit her accounts here: www.MelissaMendelson.com